i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
