You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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