he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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