I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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