oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The power of my boobs compel you
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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