I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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