btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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