I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
