I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
