yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
