I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
