I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Im part way to drunk.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
