chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
