You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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