I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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