oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
