worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
