tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I got inside last night via doggy door
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
