Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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