Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
