We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Terrible idea I love it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
