in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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