Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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