She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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