chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
