I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
