Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
