I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
