At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
