I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my shit smells like andre
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
