escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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