Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
