Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
