tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so thatโs how Syracuse is doing today.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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