When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
