I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
