She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I touched a dick in church today
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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