i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
