please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
