Christians are straight up FREAKS
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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