I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
