i permit you to call me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
