A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My hand turned me down
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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