I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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