I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
