you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
