Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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