im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
