this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
