Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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