Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
